No This is who I am Going to be
by DecemberCandy
Summary: Clare Edwards is back for sophmore year at Degrassi. She's ready to forget St. Clare, the grade 9 drama, and change herself. When Eli steps into her life, will she question herself or will the past come to the present?
1. First Day

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I stepped out of the house with the cool autumn breeze hitting my face. I stepped back for a minute looking at the house I once loved calling a home. It wasn't a home anymore. How could I do so when Mom and Dad are always yelling. Always fighting. Always forgetting about me. Of course they didn't actually forget about me. They knew I was present yet they still went ahead and continued what they called "discussing disagreements". Darcy was off in Kenya helping and I basically had lost most of my friends over the summer except Alli. Oh Alli. Right now, she means everything to me. If she was gone, I wouldn't have anyone. I'd be the ugly girl who had no friends or life. The girl no one cared about. I had the same feeling in the end of grade 9. KC and I had a wonderful relationship. He was sweet and caring..the guy every girl wanted. I was surprised he was interested in me. St. Clare. Formerly known as the girl with the straight hair always tied back. The girl with the geeky glasses. The girl who wore a catholic school uniform everyday to school. Also, the girl who had a purity ring. Sure, peoples comments bothered me but KC didn't care and so I never got bothered with it. KC and me were doing fine and Connor was there too. I befriended him in media class when there was no one to talk to. At first I had to say, he was extremely different and weird but I grew to love him. Well, Jenna came to Degrassi. Life went down hill from there. She attracted KC who dumped me a few weeks later after knowing he had feelings for her which broke my heart, Connor found other friends and Alli started hanging out with Jenna too. She would occasionally hang out with me and she was there for me but I just didn't feel it. Now since summer had passed, we hung out more. I tried avoiding KC and Jenna as much as possible and she tried helping by taking me places with her family. A week before school she noticed I was still looking the same as grade 9 though I got laser eye surgery and my eyes were bold and beautiful but the rest of me was the same. I realized I didn't want to go back to Degrassi as St. Clare so I convinced myself to cut my hair into a short cute look from a magazine Alli let me borrow. I also started applying makeup which made my face stand out and Alli even got me a whole new wardrobe! No one would recognize me now and I had confidence that I would take charge and make new friends. Friends that wouldn't leave me. I started walking down the end of my street to the bus stop. I have to admit I looked pretty good! I wore a bright orange v-neck, dark blue skinny jeans, and green gladiators. My neck always had my cross necklace and there was a simple metal bracelet on my right wrist. I also had applied a bit of eye liner, some strawberry lip gloss, and green eye shadow. I was sorta going for a "vibrant look" A few boys whistled and a few girls gave me stares and started whispering. A few people stared at me oddly too and I heard a girl ask someone "Is she new this year?". Her question made me have my first smile of the day. I heard my cellphone go off and I groaned to myself. Who freaking calls me at 7 in the morning? I took out my cell and saw the caller ID…Alli. Of course. I was about to press the answer button when a stupid idiot smacked my ass. I jumped from the surprise and my phone flew out of my hand onto the middle of the street. I looked and smiled in my head seeing it wasn't damaged. Thank goodness my mom had bought me a case and screen protector. Just as I started walking to get it, out of nowhere tires run over it. I step back shocked I could have almost been hit! I look at the vehicle and I can feel my mouth slowly open. A hearse? What the heck? I peaked over to see if a dead body was in the back. I was shocked to see no dead body but a bunch of blankets, pillows, cd cases, bags of chips and a few other stuff any one would not expect seeing in a vehicle that carries dead people. "What the…" I say out loud. Then **HE** walks out.


	2. Why Did The Bus Have To Come?

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Eli's POV

"Eli, babe get up." My mom yells from what I think is the kitchen. I groan and turn over on my stomach so my head is in the pillow. Probably 5 minutes later I hear footsteps and my door open. I continue having the peace of my eyes closed

and being comfortable in my warm bed. *BAM* Loud music which I believe to think is Justin Bieber screams into my head. "WHAT THE FUCK!" I scream while jumping out of bed immediately from the scare. My mom giggles and replies "Well

you weren't getting up and I felt like trying this on you..haha I know how much you _love_ Justin Bieber" she says sarcastically. She then grabs my arm and throws me into the bathroom.

"Eli, baby please don't sleep in the shower. It's your first day and I at least want you to show up on time." My mom yells.

"SHIT. I _totally _forgot today was the first day of I DON'T GIVE A FUCK." I mutter to myself sarcastically.

"Elijah, I know your upset but don't be so glum. You'll love Degrassi more than your other school in no time." my dad croaks from outside of the door.

"Sorry if I don't want to go to a school where a kid got shot and another got killed." I replied with venom in my words.

"Eli, I'm sure they are just rumors. Now hurry up and get out of the house." Dad says yawning.

I sigh and step into the shower. I turn the knob to the hot water side and let my body soak, after stepping out of the shower I do the rest of my "morning routine", grab a tight black v-neck, black boxers, light black skinny jeans and a pair

of black chuck taylors with some white socks. I put them on and then put on my guitar pick necklace and a locket as well as some "punk" wristbands. I run downstairs, get my backpack, Morty's keys, an apple, and kiss my mom. As I get

into Morty, I decide that I might as well skip school and go look around the town. No one will notice right? I turn the engine out and drive out the driveway onto a street when I see a few kids at a bus stop. I laugh to myself as I look them

over. Some girls dress like they came out of a strip club while some boys looked like they were real jerks. Out of all the kids, one girl caught my eye. Her hair was a nice reddish brown color that was short and curly. Her outfit disgusted

me. A bright orange t-shirt? Green sandals? I hated every color except for black however I would also make exceptions for white and gray sometimes. Even though I hated the colors she wore, she looked really good. I didn't really get to

see her face but something flew out of her hand onto the road and right as she was walking to get it, *CRUSHH* I hear the sound of something break under Morty's tires. She jumps back and I realize I could have almost hit her! I laugh

when I see her mouth open and she peaks into the back. I then step out, walk around, take what I believe is to be a crushed cell phone and hand it back to her. She takes it without looking up at me.

"Sorry, but I think your cell phone was trying to commit suicide." I say sarcastically.

"It flew out of my hands by accident.." She replies still looking down.

Wow. Her voice was so soft and shy I felt so bad for running over her phone.

"Uhh, you know I can buy you a new phone if you want." I say with a half smile.

"No, no. It's fine. It was a crappy phone anyways." She responds again softly.

"At least let me make it up to you." I say then widen my eyes realizing what I say.

She looks up at me and her eyes widen as well. Her eyes were stunning. Beautiful. Amazing. Out of this world. They were like two clear blue crystals. She gave me a questioning look and I snapped out of my thoughts.

"No, not like a date. I mean like let me just buy you another phone or at least pay for it." I say with an awkward laugh.

She smiles. And I realize I left Morty running right in the middle of the street. I run back to him and park him onto the side of the rode then walk back to this gorgeous girl.

"I don't want anything but I'll let you know if I do. And uhmm by the way are you new at Degrassi?" she says.

"How did you know I was new at Degrassi?" I say with a shocked tone

Just my luck. I see the school bus coming. The kids all start walk to one spot getting ready to get onto the bus. She gives me a friendly smile, a little wave and walk off in the direction of the bus. I start walking slowly to Morty. She was so

beautiful and seemed so innocent and kind. Now I really felt bad for running over her phone. Once I got into my car it hit me. I didn't even get her name.

"I think I might not skip school today." I say out loud with a grin on my face.

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	3. If He Didn't Come

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Here is chapter 3….uhmm… HAVE FUN READING! :D

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This will probably suck since it's short and i'm typing this half asleep...AHHH School is a butt :P

Clare's POV

When I got onto the bus…

I have to admitted, I was a little pissed off when the guy ran over my phone. I soon got over it when I saw him. He looked so handsome when the morning's sun hit his face. His eyes were a deep almost forest green color and his hair, jet

black and wet were shining. I can tell I acted shy. I barely looked up at his face! He was generous to at least offer to pay or buy me another cell phone. I did laugh to myself when he was shocked I knew he was a new kid at school. It

was just a guess really since he had his backpack in his car, he was driving in the direction of the school and I had never seen him before. That's when I remember looking at his face. His lips were so full and I started wondering if he was

a good kisser..

"Shit." I said in a whisper to myself.

"Clare. Snap out of it. You don't need another boy now, or at least start thinking about one. Forget it. He probably has a girlfriend. He isn't even your type. You would never go for goth…Right? Remember. Today's the first day of school.

Forget last year and make this year yours." I say in my head.

When the bus arrived at school I got off and started walking towards a bench far from everyone else. I wasn't really in the mood to be near people. I felt like calling Alli so I took out my phone. I groan remembering that guy ran it over. I

figured I would see her later in the day so I dealt with it. I felt like looking over my schedule again, just since I was bored. I skim it over and smile once I read _Advance English, Dawes, Period 1, Room 12. _Finally. A class where I can be with

others who don't take English as a joke. It was my favourite subject knowing I could spill my emotions freely onto paper and get a good grade for doing it.

"Clare? Edwards?"

I look up and see someone who immediately ruined my mood.

"KC." I reply coldly.

"Wow. You look good! I could barely recognize you. It's been forever hasn't it?" KC says ignoring my tone.

"What do you want?"

"To talk."

"I'm not in the mood, in fact, you have just killed it."

"Look. Let me talk to you now and I'll avoid you for the day."

"Fine."

"Common, let's go somewhere else. This bench is uncomfortable."

He was right. It was uncomfortable. He gets up and holds out his hand. I ignore it. I am not willing to be "kind" to the boy who broke my heart and didn't care about the millions of pieces it broke into. But, I was not willing to show my

sadness in front of him. I had to get over it. I am becoming a new person.

I follow K.C to the picnic tables on the other side a little further down from Degrassi.

We sit across each other and I see a few students and teachers drive into school. This was actually a nice spot. I should come here more often…

"Clare. Remember when we were dating?"

"No KC. I don't remember." I say rolling my eyes

"Clare. Seriously."

"Whatever. Yeah, I remember."

"Well, remember when I said we would be each others firsts?"

That's when the pain started coming back. I wanted to yell, to scream, to cry until my eyes were drained. He was bringing back pain from the past.

"KC I don't want to talk about this."

I start to get up but he reaches across the table and grabs my arm roughly making me sit back down.

"KC, I really want to go now" I say with a little fear in my voice.

"No Clare. Not until we talk about this."

"KC. I DON'T WANT TO."

*SLAP* He slaps my face so hard I can feel the handprint show up a second after he does it.

His face is red and angry. He gets up.

"HEY! What the fuck man. You don't fucking slap girls."

We turn to see the owner of the voice who I had also just met this morning. Thank You Jesus. My hero has come.


End file.
